The One that Got Away

I've gotten to the point where, I have decided
to let go, let go of this idea, this notion, of this notion
I have decided to...try...to block this longing, this image
Out of my memory.
Chasing stars or chasing pavements or chasing light...always chasing!
Painful wounds felt deep to the core;
Incurable, festering...like an open soar.
I saw myself!!! Walking down corridors
White coat flying in the wind generated by the stride in my steps..Oh Yeah!
Oh! That moment I would die for, Oh! That moment I could have killed for!


Mom would have been so proud,
Dad...he was never around. God alone knows,
If he would have known, if he knew of any great moment,
If he even knows... but those thoughts fade anyways.
I've never really known him and thus I'm unfazed.
So these desires, or should I say ambitions...more so, hopes...
easily replaced his absence, my fears, our...our....
...I don't think we have anything in common! Or do we?
He wasn't so easily replaceable though,
This I'm beginning to know
His absence still overshadows!


Thirteen, in a world unknown;
Vulnerable and uncertain of almost everything,
except....the tangibility of this dream.
Strange...everyone thought I was
Strange! ... everyone thinks I maybe
Strange! ...everyone thinks I am,
Strange I was determined to be;
For this indispensable dream defined me!
_______
All grown up now, less unfazed, more confused, dissatisfied...but,
Somehow set apart! In my own world at least.
Guess eccentricity is in this season...
For me, its perhaps every season.
I've reached the realization that, I was driven mainly by death
Motivated by lifelessness, I had life but had never lived!
How does anyone find death fascinating? I did!
The white coat has disappeared from my head but is somehow engraved in my heart.
Mom ended up disappointed. Dad... nothing's changed!
Me... I haven't figured that one out yet...


Chasing after... this thing, this idea, this dream, to this day.
You know what? After all this time, maybe I can safely say,
That this thing, this idea, this dream, is the "One that got away!"