Je Te Vois (I See You)

Subjugated by this personality;

Eyes that ask and yearn and search,

A smile that hides so much pain,

Gestures displaying bits of truth.

Conversations long and enlightening!

Comfort level adjusted to just the right standard.

Light humor to calm tense moments

An understanding like shared experiences.

Slowly blinking rhythmically...

Even breath precisely taken.

Stares never fixed for too long,

Smiles always carefully measures.

Laughs released but somehow restrained,

Hands under chin, propping sorrow.

Never sitting still, feet always tapping,

Emotions controlled...proportioned!

Guard never let down too low;

Pretense that fears are non-existent 

True self hidden, chasing superficial dreams,

Image dependent on life-changing success.

Behind the veil...I see you

A heart caged up, I see you

Wearing that mask, I see you

Fading away fast, I see you

Trying to be cool, I see you

Pretending all is well, I see you

Wanting to belong, I see you

Afraid and alone, I see you

Insecure and unsure, I see you

Longing to be loved, I see you

Trying hard to adapt, I see you

Reaching for the stars, I see you

Run but you can't hide, I see you

With eyes open wide, I see you

With my heart reaching out, I see you

Without a shadow of a doubt, I see you!

Sarah Kay performs "Postcards"

The Bowery Poetry Club's "Page Meets Stage" Segment with the magnificent and talented 

Sarah Kay performing one on my favorite spoken word poems "Postcards"

The One that Got Away

I've gotten to the point where, I have decided
to let go, let go of this idea, this notion, of this notion
I have decided to...try...to block this longing, this image
Out of my memory.
Chasing stars or chasing pavements or chasing light...always chasing!
Painful wounds felt deep to the core;
Incurable, festering...like an open soar.
I saw myself!!! Walking down corridors
White coat flying in the wind generated by the stride in my steps..Oh Yeah!
Oh! That moment I would die for, Oh! That moment I could have killed for!


Mom would have been so proud,
Dad...he was never around. God alone knows,
If he would have known, if he knew of any great moment,
If he even knows... but those thoughts fade anyways.
I've never really known him and thus I'm unfazed.
So these desires, or should I say ambitions...more so, hopes...
easily replaced his absence, my fears, our...our....
...I don't think we have anything in common! Or do we?
He wasn't so easily replaceable though,
This I'm beginning to know
His absence still overshadows!


Thirteen, in a world unknown;
Vulnerable and uncertain of almost everything,
except....the tangibility of this dream.
Strange...everyone thought I was
Strange! ... everyone thinks I maybe
Strange! ...everyone thinks I am,
Strange I was determined to be;
For this indispensable dream defined me!
_______
All grown up now, less unfazed, more confused, dissatisfied...but,
Somehow set apart! In my own world at least.
Guess eccentricity is in this season...
For me, its perhaps every season.
I've reached the realization that, I was driven mainly by death
Motivated by lifelessness, I had life but had never lived!
How does anyone find death fascinating? I did!
The white coat has disappeared from my head but is somehow engraved in my heart.
Mom ended up disappointed. Dad... nothing's changed!
Me... I haven't figured that one out yet...


Chasing after... this thing, this idea, this dream, to this day.
You know what? After all this time, maybe I can safely say,
That this thing, this idea, this dream, is the "One that got away!"

I've Become Undone!

Maybe it was some kind of luck
Maybe it was merely just destiny
Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer
Maybe I think too much like a believer


I've been trapped, locked up, confined
and I can't seem to find a reason for
these mixed emotions that change like the seasons
Today blooming like spring; tomorrow no spring birds sing!


Maybe I am a bit confused
Maybe I'm just too afraid to lose
Maybe I lack experience
Maybe I just want a chance


I need to express this, cause my heart goes faster 
than the express train every time I say your name
I just can't suppress this, I'm desperate for a solution
Can you help me address this...situation?


Maybe I'm a little too naive 
Maybe I come on too strong 
Maybe I jump from too high
Maybe I fall way too hard


I've gotten to the point where I just can't pinpoint 
an exact notion of reality; I've trodden down this road, 
wound up at an intersection... so unsure.
I've lost my map, my way, without direction!


Maybe I've gotten carried away
Maybe I've gotten too close 
Maybe I still feel far away
Maybe I miss you too much


I've been waiting patiently
For some glory days, I've been
watching closely with fixed eyes and listening
carefully for words that I hoped would put me at ease


Maybe its uncertainty 
Maybe its desire
Maybe its familiarity
Maybe its a connection


I've been trying to know
I've been searching to find out, I've been 
reaching to get a hold so I can fill this hole
I've been giving endlessly


Maybe I'm too expressive
Maybe to this I'm new 
Maybe I think to far ahead...or
Maybe its just you!

Exposed

With trembling hands and a heavy heart,

I pen all these words to explain!

I'm guilty of another false-start

I've lied to myself...again!

These thoughts only make it to paper

This heart's under lock and key

But the urge inside me gets greater,

To reveal the real side of me.

Unwillingly, inevitably...some feelings unfold,

For the most part, I admit, I pretend!

The details, you tell me, but truth be told...

I really don't wanna be just your friend.

We've grown into each other, it happened so fast;

Before I could think, I was wrapped up,

In feelings so strong that I thought wouldn't last...

Guess I was wrong, so wrong! Now I can't stop!

Mother had warned me about you, she said

"Don't you wait for the day that he'll love you,

I know that it’s hard, but for you, I dread;

That this one, this dream, might never come true!"

You've sucked all my strength with your presence

Your kindness! Misleading at times!

I've given myself such a great sentence

Into thinking that someday you'll be mine! 

I’m known at times to be quite stubborn

And sometimes just a tad bit naïve

But for me these feelings aren’t common

So I’ll go on with my heart on my sleeve!

Truth Be Told

I Loved You, You Loved Me - We were fine;
You hurt Me, I Hated You - We were going downhill;
You Loved Me, You Held on to Me...I Loved You - Shit Happens;
You Held on to Me Tighter,I Hated You More - (but still loved you at the same time???)
We Tried, We Failed, You Tried, It Failed - Did IT or We Fail?
I Let Go, You Still Held On - But yet still, why did I remain Hopeful?
You tried to let go, You couldn't let go! - Or did I just not allow you to?
I convinced myself that I don't love you, I avoided you - I have been such a grave Liar;
I tried to move on, you kept holding on - I was wondering if you weren't tired?
I searched for what I lacked, thought I found it - Wishful thinking.
I held on to it, it slipped away from me - Guess it wasn't meant for me in the first place!
Distance and silence, hurts like hell, painful combination - I am so confused right now...


I found a friend, or so I thought, or so I would still like to think - this reminds me why I have trust issues
Maybe I held on too tight, maybe I didn't say all the right...(things) - I'm learning the art of letting go
I Loved You, You Loved Me - We were fine;
You Hurt Me, I Hated You - We're Finished.
You Moved On, I...I...I'm still here? (sigh) - I thought I hated you so much? How can this be?


Truth be told,
As the story unfolds,
I long for a hand to hold!
In this gentle mind that's tainted
And this yearning heart that's fainted,
I saw our perfect picture being painted.
I never meant to deceive!
If you could only believe,
I was simply wearing my heart on my sleeve!
My thoughts and my wants get the best of me,
I hoped and I prayed it was destiny,
God please show me a sign...Is this meant to be?