I've Become Undone!

Maybe it was some kind of luck
Maybe it was merely just destiny
Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer
Maybe I think too much like a believer


I've been trapped, locked up, confined
and I can't seem to find a reason for
these mixed emotions that change like the seasons
Today blooming like spring; tomorrow no spring birds sing!


Maybe I am a bit confused
Maybe I'm just too afraid to lose
Maybe I lack experience
Maybe I just want a chance


I need to express this, cause my heart goes faster 
than the express train every time I say your name
I just can't suppress this, I'm desperate for a solution
Can you help me address this...situation?


Maybe I'm a little too naive 
Maybe I come on too strong 
Maybe I jump from too high
Maybe I fall way too hard


I've gotten to the point where I just can't pinpoint 
an exact notion of reality; I've trodden down this road, 
wound up at an intersection... so unsure.
I've lost my map, my way, without direction!


Maybe I've gotten carried away
Maybe I've gotten too close 
Maybe I still feel far away
Maybe I miss you too much


I've been waiting patiently
For some glory days, I've been
watching closely with fixed eyes and listening
carefully for words that I hoped would put me at ease


Maybe its uncertainty 
Maybe its desire
Maybe its familiarity
Maybe its a connection


I've been trying to know
I've been searching to find out, I've been 
reaching to get a hold so I can fill this hole
I've been giving endlessly


Maybe I'm too expressive
Maybe to this I'm new 
Maybe I think to far ahead...or
Maybe its just you!

Exposed

With trembling hands and a heavy heart,

I pen all these words to explain!

I'm guilty of another false-start

I've lied to myself...again!

These thoughts only make it to paper

This heart's under lock and key

But the urge inside me gets greater,

To reveal the real side of me.

Unwillingly, inevitably...some feelings unfold,

For the most part, I admit, I pretend!

The details, you tell me, but truth be told...

I really don't wanna be just your friend.

We've grown into each other, it happened so fast;

Before I could think, I was wrapped up,

In feelings so strong that I thought wouldn't last...

Guess I was wrong, so wrong! Now I can't stop!

Mother had warned me about you, she said

"Don't you wait for the day that he'll love you,

I know that it’s hard, but for you, I dread;

That this one, this dream, might never come true!"

You've sucked all my strength with your presence

Your kindness! Misleading at times!

I've given myself such a great sentence

Into thinking that someday you'll be mine! 

I’m known at times to be quite stubborn

And sometimes just a tad bit naïve

But for me these feelings aren’t common

So I’ll go on with my heart on my sleeve!

Truth Be Told

I Loved You, You Loved Me - We were fine;
You hurt Me, I Hated You - We were going downhill;
You Loved Me, You Held on to Me...I Loved You - Shit Happens;
You Held on to Me Tighter,I Hated You More - (but still loved you at the same time???)
We Tried, We Failed, You Tried, It Failed - Did IT or We Fail?
I Let Go, You Still Held On - But yet still, why did I remain Hopeful?
You tried to let go, You couldn't let go! - Or did I just not allow you to?
I convinced myself that I don't love you, I avoided you - I have been such a grave Liar;
I tried to move on, you kept holding on - I was wondering if you weren't tired?
I searched for what I lacked, thought I found it - Wishful thinking.
I held on to it, it slipped away from me - Guess it wasn't meant for me in the first place!
Distance and silence, hurts like hell, painful combination - I am so confused right now...


I found a friend, or so I thought, or so I would still like to think - this reminds me why I have trust issues
Maybe I held on too tight, maybe I didn't say all the right...(things) - I'm learning the art of letting go
I Loved You, You Loved Me - We were fine;
You Hurt Me, I Hated You - We're Finished.
You Moved On, I...I...I'm still here? (sigh) - I thought I hated you so much? How can this be?


Truth be told,
As the story unfolds,
I long for a hand to hold!
In this gentle mind that's tainted
And this yearning heart that's fainted,
I saw our perfect picture being painted.
I never meant to deceive!
If you could only believe,
I was simply wearing my heart on my sleeve!
My thoughts and my wants get the best of me,
I hoped and I prayed it was destiny,
God please show me a sign...Is this meant to be?

You Told Me I Could Be Anything

You told me I could be anything!

With a past that’s rooted in pain,

Dirty sheets, filthy clothes, sad reflection, tainted smile

Wrapped up, abused, disgusted, confused…again?

Wishing away lies and deceit; go away! Even just for a while.

You told me I could be anything!

With a wrenched heart turned into stone

Trust twisted, security robbed, purity and innocence taken.

This one, this tragedy, this one…so close to home;

A longing for a sense of belonging, comfort zone rocked and shaken!

You told me I could be anything!

With nightmares for memories when little eyes close

Turning, twisting, kicking, screaming…reaching… “Hold my hands?”

Scary nights, gloomy days, more sunsets than sunrise arose.

Waking up to be haunted still, by this ghost and all his demands.

You told me I could be anything!

With an attitude inconsiderate, brazen and reckless!

Stored anger, compressed rage, outright rebellion… sight lost, vision lost!

Unknowingly bounded by chains so strong, controlled by hidden demons…hopeless!

Struggling to speak, for expression to be heard, a soul being sold at no cost!

You told me I could be anything!

With hopes that this is some kind of folklore,

Horror stories of made up torture, frightening but untrue

Fighting, waging, opposing, losing…losing both battle and war

Pulling and tugging, this journey’s exhausting…gone is all strength and virtue.

You told me I could be anything!

With a tired, restless spirit…weary, battered and torn!

A strong embrace, hands held tight, a look of love, a prayer;

Releasing, unshackling, emerging, escaping, changing….being reborn;

Turning around, walking away, abandoning all hurt and fear.

You told me I could be anything!

“With one step today, another tomorrow, eventually you’ll find your way!”

(-So there I was…)

Dragging, creeping, stooping, walking… learning everyday!

Dreaming, searching, trying, finding…becoming someone new!

You told me I could be anything and for the first time I believe you!

There is  Light at the end of every dark tunnel